WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO ASK FOR HELP?
by: Brooke T. Allen
I am preparing an article on how to ask for help. Please tell me what is missing from this list.
Here is what we have so far:
- Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed – We all need help some times, and most people want to help others – if they can, and they have time.
- Be specific – Make it clear what you want.
- Don’t be tricky – Ask, “How do I get to Carnegie Hall?” and most people will stop to give you instructions. Ask, “Now, can you lend me cab fair?” and they will feel tricked. Do that and you’ll deserve the reputation you get.
- No whining, anger, or frustration – Helpful people want to help – they don’t want to listen to your problems.
- Follow through – If you ask for advice, consider it, and either do it or have a good reason not to. People admire action, not talk.
- Reciprocate – If someone helps you, find a way of helping them.
- Start by offering help – If you start with, “How can I help you?” and then you do help someone, they will often respond in kind. If you are unemployed, and looking for work, you might find that rather than saying, “I’m between opportunities” you might say, “I am unemployed, and I’m looking for ways I can help people.”
- Establish relationships – Remember your goal is to establish a relationship, not to take advantage of people.
- Say thank you – If someone does something for you, thank them. Even if they just take the time to say, “No,” thank them for their time.
Did we miss anything? Email Darla or Brooke with your suggestions.
These are all very important components of the process. My keyword is to connect, look people in the eye, regard them as people, convey that you are one as well. When you break through the veil between the two of you there is an aura of intimacy, even if momentary, and I find that both parties derive pleasure from being there for each other even if they may never see each other again. You can actually make people feel good about themselves by asking them for help in this fashion.
I agree. For me, humility is an important attitude: I don’t have all the answers.
Brooke, I also like the idea of the radio button at the bottom of his gui – Speak!
Best,
Kevin
I am neither ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help; I just would strongly disagree with your premise that most people want to help. This may well have been the case in more stable economic times, but events of the past three years has virtually everyone WITH a job running scared. It must be some sort of self-preservation instinct at work here, because I am here to report quite unequivocally that friends,colleagues and strangers alike have become uncannily adept at NOT returning calls and generally paying lip service to those of us on the outside looking in. This is by no means a universal phenomenon, but I believe quite strongly that it has EVERYTHING to do with the severity and duration of the current downturn. No one wants to be NEXT!