WHY DO PEOPLE SAY “NO” WHEN YOU JUST WANT TO ASK A QUESTION?
by: Nick Corcodilos
Young people who ask for informational interviews and requests for mentoring are often told NO.
Why?
Because just asking doesn’t do the trick. Mentoring implies a relationship, and it’s up to the person making the request for help to first cultivate a relationship. Find ways to get to know your target and create a connection before expecting a YES about lunch. Exchange some short e-mails. Start a small dialogue with a small question that doesn’t require meeting — e-mail is nice for that. As you cultivate, you also get to decide whether you’re talking to the right person. Relationships take time. So does mentoring.
I think a lot of people say NO because the “informational interview” has become a veiled request for a job interview. People know that. They don’t want to be hassled. So taking small steps to build a bit of a relationship helps make it happen. For instance, before I had dinner with you and we actually met to talk shop, you sent me some e-mails, we spoke on the phone. We established a comfort level — then we had dinner.
It takes time for most investments to pay off. Sometimes they don’t, but the ride is fun anyway! Sometimes people just don’t feel like spending time with someone they don’t know or trust. So, it’s up to the person making the request to do it in a way that’s comfortable and acceptable.
Nick A. Corcodilos is a regular contributor to NSoW, creator of Ask the Headhunter, and author of How Can I Change Careers?, How to Work with Headhunters. You can learn more about him
To help anyone looking for work, we’ve compiled a list of 101 Ways to Find A Job at http://www.findajobalready.com/101-ways-to-find-a-job.
Great topic to write on.
I used to recommend this tip to people a lot, but I approached it differently.
I informed them to choose the company that they did not want to work for and/or one that was not hiring.
That way, they could immediately state they are aware there are no jobs available and there is no hidden agenda, that they are simply requesting to learn a little more about the industry from an expert like this person and also see what it is like to be the xx position in the company of that industry.
That instantly takes away the ‘no’ in the individual’s mind and they realize the person is just trying to learn. If they are a true leader – they will want to help this individual, even if only in a small 1/2 hour interview.
A lot of it is in how you say it and how you approach them – so you are correct – a few emails and comfort level situations before a direct call sometimes helps, but it all depends. Each state, city, person, leader, company is different, so you have to feel the situation out and test a few for trial and error.
Ex: most likely, in NY you will get more nos than in Arkansas. It’s just the nature of people in NY to be a bit more closed off, or way to busy multitasking 1500 things, than someone in Arkansas which I would imagine hardly ever gets this request and they don’t lead as fast paced lives.
The reason I suggest the company you don’t want to work for is so you can establish a relationship with your future competition. Be it for now, or perhaps in 5 years when you might be leading the company you are interested in working for.
Also, you might have decided you didn’t want to work for the company for a few reasons. But once you meet the head of the company or whomever you are asking for the informational interview, you might change your mind. You also might hear a few things they say and offer them a better suggestion as part of a kind gesture of improvement or such for the time that individual gave to you.
They will appreciate you caring about their business, believe it or not to even give it pensive thought and not make the interview a me-centric situation. Sharing your intellect and your ideas with a like minded individual never hurts you – it can only help you or, at the least, amuse you for an interesting conversation for a little while.
We sometimes forget, respect is just as much of success as getting the job you want and making the money you want. Respect from the head of a company is always a plus.
Who knows, the informational interview might lead to a job offer down the line, and it is always better to have this, than to not, especially from the head of a company – or a top level person. You could always work a contract situation with them until you get a job with a company you want. Then, you gain experience while you are searching and then that just makes you more appealing to the company you do want to work for.
There is a lot of room to play with this in many ways. The key is how you approach them in the first place -so inch your way into this situation. But the most important part is to thank them and follow through with this just as uniquely as you did with the information interview.
Don’t just send them a thank you note – that is mundane and they are expecting it. Leave that one more lasting impression – in case it wasn’t impressionable enough in the interview.
Remember something they told you about their personal interest or life and get them a small gift (under $20) around that. You could even donate to a charity in that subject area and then send them a thank you note informing you did so.